I am so despondent with things in life at the moment and felt the need to have a moan.  I want to make it clear before I begin, I am trying my hardest to make a change in my life but I am hitting dead ends and brick walls at every turn.

I worked all my life from the age of fifteen when I left school.  I didn’t want to go to College or stay on and do re-sits or six form.  I was ready to leave school and I wanted a job within football.  Before I even left school, I sent my CV off to all the London football clubs.  Most replied which is a remarkable thing compared to nowadays where you don’t even get replies for jobs you apply for.

I worked at Leyton Orient full time for a few years as the Junior.  Straight from school and straight into a job.  It paid abysmally and the travel costs eat into the already meagre wages but I was working and I loved my job.

After a few years I decided to move on to get a slight increase in wages and to try something else.  And so I went on through the years in various jobs in various places.  Some I loved, some I hated, some lasted a while, some didn’t.  But the point I am making is, I was in work and although never earning huge amounts of money, I was contributing to our society.

As I have got older I realise studying is something I love so I a few years ago I re-sat my English GCSE and I also did a Diploma Level 3 in Criminal Psychology.  I did it because I wanted to and I loved using my brain.

I had my first child at 23 and the job I was in when I discovered I was expecting were disgusted.  It is a sad thing that they couldn’t be pleased for me but I guess businesses have their own worries.  They made it impossible and I left under horrible circumstances.  But straight away I went to the Employment Agency and I started temping the very next week.

I worked through my pregnancy, despite being quite poorly towards the end and this job I adored but when Luke came along I didn’t go back to work straight away as I wanted to be at home with my baby son.

As soon as I was ready I worked part time in a few jobs even though I didn’t have to as my son was still young but I wanted to earn money and help towards the cost of living and the things we wanted.  At the time and up until a few years ago, I was married and my husband worked in a good job so I did not have to work, I did it for my own self-respect.

We moved a few times and I worked on and off over the years before finally settling in a great work from home job.  I worked hard and it was busy and I was earning decent part time money.  My husband and I separated so I did not have the support financially that I had been used to, although do not get me wrong, my ex does support his children.

I decided to set up our own home dog boarding company.  Looking after dogs in our own home, it meant I was still working but still able to be here for my children before and after school.  It also worked well alongside my other job.

Then last summer my boss decided to close his business.  I was distraught and obviously it meant I would lose my job.  So I had to weigh up the options, I still had the dog business which is of course an income but not what you would call a salary and in this job you can only take so many dogs at once to keep harmony.

I decided to take on the business that my boss had been running, not taking over his but starting my own and after approaching clients, I was so pleased that I managed to build up and earn money doing something I had learned and was good at.

But this summer one of the people who worked for me had to leave.  Sadly this meant I had to then close my business.  I cried so many tears because I loved my job and after looking at every angle it was not possible for me to carry it on.  I couldn’t travel 180 miles a day to cover the work which was mainly out of area and there was no one available to train to standard in time.

Since I have closed that business, I am still running the dog boarding company and it is still doing well, although due to a case of Kennel Cough we have lost a few bookings this month which really does hurt us financially.  But at the same time is understandable.

For the record, I do claim housing benefit because I am on a low income.  Some of you will probably sneer but what am I to do otherwise?  I never imagined I would need to be on any form of benefit and I don’t say it with pride in my voice, I say it to let you know it is a necessity I have to have at the moment. 

Every other day I search for jobs online.  I apply for any job that I am suitable for, I even had an interview in the most perfect job but I did not get it.  And the sad thing is, I believe the reason I didn’t get it is due to the fact I used to be a Special Constable many years ago.  What happened to the good people like me in society being judged in a good way rather than as a negative?

I have applied for numerous jobs and have not even had a reply from most.  I am a very competent and organised person.  I know I am capable of working hard and able to deliver what is needed of me.  I am a fast typist, quick learner and friendly sociable person.  But these days, this doesn’t seem to be enough.

Most jobs want you to work full time 8-6.  I cannot do this, I have children and I will not put mine into childcare, I do not judge those who do but I did not have them to never see them.  Is this wrong?  I am more than happy to work every day 9.15-2.45 or even work three full days but as I said anything I see advertised is for much longer hours.

I am beginning to wonder if perhaps I will have to find an 8-6 job and then see my children suffer as a result.  I am even thinking of perhaps looking at London now rather than Essex as a place to work.

Please understand, I am not complaining like so many think is their given right to, I am merely explaining that I want to work and earn money to support my children.  I am a single parent but that doesn’t mean I want to sit back and let others pay for me.  But to be honest I am almost in tears of late, some months I am relying on my credit card just to buy food and petrol.  So therefore every payment I make to lessen the debt is pointless because I have to use it again the next month.

I hope that soon I can find another job that will earn me a little money to both make my life easier financially but to also prove that we that are not all sitting on our butts expecting people to pick up our pieces for us.  I have worked hard most of my life, raised my family and want to continue to be there for my children and work hard.  

So as I hit another brick wall and dead end, I ask – why is it so hard for those of us who are genuine to do this?